What is the Square?
by Geode
Summary: Comedic fanfic combining the plots of Final Fantasy VII and the Matrix.


"What is the Square?"

Christopher La Bianca AKA "Geode"

[Geode013@aol.com][1]

"Final Fantasy Farces, Fanfic #36"

This fanfic contains a number of spoilers. Specifically for Final Fantasy VII and the Matrix. Although, I don't know why you'd read this if you haven't finished the two. Anyway, there are also quite a few minor cameos (possibly spoilers) from other games. Read this fanfic at your own risk. Especially since this fanfic will challenge your sanity.

Parental discretion is advised. Good thing you're locked in your room and parents can't read those words. ^_~

The scene begins by panning across the stars. It slowly falls upon the city of Midgar. 

A black screen appears. Green letters parallax across the screen.

"YOU SHALL BE AS GODS," repeated over and over again across the screen.

The Final Fantasy VII Intro music begins to play as Tifa's face appears amidst the green letters surrounding her.

"Yo Tifa! You must leave Aeris' church immediately!" a voice shouted across the phone. Tifa fingered the phone cord and looked out the window. A few Shin-Ra police cars pulled up in front of the church.

"Are there Turks?" Tifa demanded. There was a brief silence.

"Yeah…" the voice trailed off. Tifa began to leave the Save Point when three Shin-Ra soldiers walked into the room.

"Hold it right there!" one of the guards cried out. Tifa dropped the phone and stood still. The guards looked at each other warily. One of them slowly approached her. Tifa spun around at incredible speed and floated into the air.

"Hey! There's no Float in Final Fantasy VII!!" the soldier prepared to fire at her. Tifa kicked the weapon out of his hand and kicked him again in the chest. A soldier opened a round of shots and Tifa ran across the wall, dodging each shot. She landed on the ground and kicked a chair at one of the soldiers. The soldier cried out and ducked. The chair soared through a window, glass spilling across the floor. She frowned and kicked a desk at him. He screamed and fell to the ground in fear. The desk soared directly above his head but failed to make contact and crashed into the wall. She growled in frustration. Tifa grabbed the soldier and simply kicked him out the window. He screamed as he crashed below. One of the soldiers prepared to fire but Tifa grabbed the other soldier as a human shield. She grabbed her hostage's gun and fired at the last standing opponent. He took a few shots to the chest and fell to the ground. Tifa punched the guard she had been holding in the back. He fell to the ground.

"Heh… Your limit break meter isn't quite full…" the soldier mocked her as he reached for his gun.

"I don't necessarily follow the rules…" Tifa's limit break went off and she let the soldier have it. He collapsed to the ground with a thud. Tifa looked around and rushed out of the room. She gasped as she saw Rude begin walking down the hall towards her. He reached for his gun at lightning speed and began to fire. She dashed for cover and leapt down a nearby staircase. She rolled to the bottom with a piece of materia prepared as she landed. She gasped for air a few seconds.

"Tifa… Get up…" she willed herself out loud. She dashed out the door and made her way to the roof.

Rude and a few Shin-Ra soldiers ran through the abandoned church and followed her. Tifa looked down at them. She picked up one of the barrels on the rafters and heaved it down at them. Two of the soldiers cried out and fell to the ground below.

"What the hell did Aeris have these barrels sitting on these rafters for anyway?" Tifa grabbed another one and threw it down at them. It knocked off the few remaining soldiers. Rude appeared and glared at her. He leapt over the barrel with ease. Tifa bit her lip.

"You were supposed to get hit by that! This isn't Donkey Kong!" Tifa dashed for the roof. Rude opened fire on Tifa. Tifa looked out and eyed a Save Point. Rude showed up behind her and reached to grab her. She shifted and fell from the roof and down into the alley. She moaned and rubbed her head. She managed to get up and began to walk towards the Save Point. Palmer was walking down the street and looked towards her.

"Hey-hey!" Palmer waved. A truck screeched out and slammed into him. He went flying and crashed with a thud. Rude, who was the driver of this vehicle, leered at Tifa and began to drive towards her. Tifa ran into the Save Point using all of her strength. She cried out and held out her PHS defiantly.

"Game Saved!" Tifa screamed. The truck slammed into the Save Point. Rude cursed and hopped out of the car. He found the PHS lying on the floor...

Cloud… Cloud…

"What is it?"

Wake Up Cloud…

Cloud opened his eyes and moaned. He had fallen asleep at his computer. He rubbed his eyes to get them to focus. He stared at his computer when he noticed the words on the screen.

Square has you.

"What?" Cloud shook his head to clear away the sleep.

You are searching Cloud… Searching for something… Searching for him… For an answer to the question…

"Who are you?" Cloud typed back.

Follow the White Materia…

"What?" Cloud demanded aloud.

Knock Knock.

A knock sounded at the door. Cloud nearly fell from his chair in surprise. He looked back to the computer screen. It was blank. He straggled out of his chair and peered through the door. A group of his 'customers' stood at the door. They were regulars from Wutai.

"You have it?" Cloud asked. One of them nodded. Cloud moseyed on over to his shelf and pulled out the Final Fantasy VII Strategy Guide. He opened it to reveal two shining pieces of purple materia. He fingered the two and opened the door.

"Underwater materia and HP—MP flip… Two of the most… Umm… Useful materia… Around…" Cloud handed them over. The man handed Cloud a wad of Gil (Gil would be a wad right?).

"Excellent…" he pocketed the two materia. "You're not looking so good Cloud ole boy. That shine in your eyes seems to have dulled a little. Why don't you come with us and get some air?"

"Eh… I don't know…" Cloud rubbed his face. Then he caught glimpse of a piece of materia a girl was tossing up and down. It was white. He focused on it and then looked up. "Sure… I'll come along."

Loud music played in the 7th Heaven as the group entered the bar. Cloud walked over to the bar while the rest of the crowd intermingled with those already there. He went to order a drink when a woman stood before him.

"Cloud…" the woman addressed him.

"You're the one from the computer…" Cloud realized suddenly. "Err… Not pictures of women… I mean, that message… Although, if you could send me a pic…" She slapped him across the face. "Oww…"

"Yes. I am called Tifa," she looked into his eyes. "You are in grave danger. You have been looking for us. But we have been looking for you for far longer still."

"What are you-" Cloud began.

"You wish to meet him?" Tifa pressed on.

"Barret…" Cloud mumbled.

"It will be arranged. We will come in contact with you again," Tifa left as swiftly as she appeared.

"What is this…" Cloud blinked in confusion.

__

Meanwhile… In the mind of the demented author…

"Yo! I get such a major role in this fanfic!" Barret was polishing his gun-hand. "I get to be Morpheus! Don't dat just beat all?"

"Yeah…" Aeris moaned. "It isn't fair! Why aren't I in this fanfic?!" Aeris wailed.

"Cause you don't got the mad skillz like I's do!" Barret grinned. Aeris clenched her fists.

"Oh? We'll see about this!" Aeris stormed out of the room. Barret looked at himself in the mirror and took his book of lines.

"Don't dink you are. Know dat you are!" Barret declared. "Come on! You faster dan dis!" Suddenly, he felt the room was growing cold. He exhaled and noticed that he could see his own breath. "Huh?" He turned to see a familiar face at the door.

"What…? You?" Barret stood up. "Aren't you supposed to be dead like Aeris?" Sephiroth shrugged.

"Eh. Maybe…" Sephiroth sat down. "In fanfics these days, characters are brought back to life all the time… Oh! And for all you readers... It wasn't cold before because Aeris wasn't angry!"

"What da hell do you want?" Barret demanded.

"Well… Someone relayed some information that you… YOU… are playing Morpheus…" Sephiroth walked about. He unsheathed his Masamune. "I'm here to take that nice little title from you…"

"Huh? You can't! This is my big chance!" Barret shouted.

"Perhaps… But you're not qualified!" Sephiroth dashed at him and stabbed Barret through the chest.

"Daaaaammmnnnn…" Barret moaned and collapsed. Sephiroth nodded.

"Well… Now for me to come in… Thanks Aeris!" Sephiroth nodded to the doorway. Aeris winked.

"Anytime!" Aeris grinned. Sephiroth gestured to the sword sticking in Barret. 

"Just like old times!" Sephiroth pulled out the sword. Aeris blushed.

"Uh huh…" Aeris bit her lip as she felt her chest and quickly walked out.

"What… did you… get Ramza…?" Barret moaned.

Back to our regularly scheduled fanficing. Umm… Fanficing is a word right?

"Ahhh!" Cloud fell out of his bed as he heard his chocobo alarm clock. "I'm late!"

__

The Shin-Ra Building

"Now… Mr. Strife… You are part of an elite corporation. Do you think that you're better than any of us here?" Rufus narrowed his eyes.

"Well… I am the star… And I'm in more CG movies than you… And I don't die in mine! Well… That can't be proven…" Cloud wondered aloud.

"Listen Mr. Strife. Our members of SOLDIER must be diligent in their work. If any one of you is delinquent, this entire company is affected. Do you understand?" Rufus lectured him.

"Yes…" Cloud sighed.

"Good! Now I can go back to whatever it is I do…" Rufus walked out.

"I wonder what SOLDIER stands for anyway…" Cloud asked himself.

Suddenly the screen is pushed aside by Cait Sith. Cloud screams as he's pushed off the screen. He cries out and a loud crash is heard.

"Oops… Well… Cait Sith here to help everyone understand what SOLDIER means!" Cait Sith proclaimed. Victory fanfare plays in the background.

"It has to be Sons of Liberty Directed in Emergency Rooms… It has to," Aeris tapped her report against the desk.

"What da hell you talkin' bout woman?" Barret growled. "It means Sumo Oriental Lion Dragons in El Renmazao!"

"What the… Are you sick or something?" Aeris spat.

"It means Sunny Orange Lemon Drink in Early Rain!" Scarlet shouted.

"I'm sure its Some Old Lying Dumb Incompetent Enemy Reptile…" Red XIII hissed.

"How about Sold Over Lemons Dried in Evil Radishes!" the Chocobo Rancher stated.

"It's @^&*()$#^(^@$()$*(@#&$)@#*()#@+*$^@*(*(#!!!" Cid shouted.

"It means Summation of Lateral Derivative Irrational Equations Revised…" Prof. Hojo commented. The room was silent.

"It's a translation error…" Red XIII growled.

"Oh yeah that's got to be it…" the entire cast quickly agreed.

"Umm… Let's continue…" Cait Sith nodded.  
  
"Package Mr. Strife," a postal worker handed Cloud a package. "Sign here." Cloud quickly signed his name... Although he still isn't sure what his number is. The worker nodded and walked off. Cloud reached in and pulled out a PHS.

"Hey... I thought I was supposed to get this in Kalm..." Cloud pulled it out. It started ringing. "Ahh!! It's a bomb. Those postal workers!!" Cloud was about to throw it when he stopped. "I wonder who it is..." Cloud opened the phone. "1-800-SOLDIER at your service!"

"Cloud... You are in danger," a voice spoke.

"Who is this?" Cloud finally managed after a second.

"You know..." the voice spoke.

"Barret...?" Cloud stated. "You must've been working on your dialect…"

"Yeah right..." the voice laughed. "This line is tapped... You must do exactly as I say if you wish to escape."

"Escape from who? I already beat the postal guy... I foiled his plan just before you called," Cloud quickly imagined his own story.

"Yes... Whatever you say... Now. Slowly rise and look directly in front of you..." the voice commanded. Cloud swallowed hard and followed the command. He looked to see Reno and Rude at the elevator. Just as he peered at them, Rude caught sight of Cloud.

"Oh nuts..." he ducked down. "They don't look so bad... I bet I could take them..." Cloud reached for his sword, which was always there even though you couldn't see it.

"No. They'd kill you. You need to listen to me to escape," the voice restated.

"Alright... If you think I can't fight them..." Cloud sighed. "What should I do?"

"When I tell you to head out, you will run to the station directly across from you. It is empty," the voice explained.

"You got it..." Cloud started.

"Not yet you moron!" the phone screeched. Reno and Rude heard the sound. "Oops... Umm... Run, now!" Cloud dashed out of the station and into the one across and crashed into Marle.

"Ow! My pendant!" Marle fell to the ground.

"Damn! You're always in the wrong place at the wrong time... Hehe... Wrong time... Get it! Like in Chrono Trigger... Wrong time! Ahhh hahaha..." Cloud burst out laughing. He begins to hold onto someone to keep himself up. "Wrong time!" He suddenly taps the person he's holding and sees that it's actually Reno. "Oh... Umm... If you're looking for Cloud... That's her!" Cloud ran from the station and into an officeroom. The two Turks looked at Marle.

"I could be renamed Cloud if you'd like... It barely fits the five letter maximum," Marle moaned and picked up her pendant. "Right Chrono? Err... Crono?" C(h)rono nodded.

"He's trying to escape..." Reno remarked to Rude in amusement.

"He won't get away..." Rude looked towards the office. They both headed towards the officeroom. Crono and Marle looked after them.

"Well... This fanfic looks dull. Maybe there's something better being written," Marle pulls out the Gate Key. "Besides... The thought of a future controlled by robots... That's absurd..." Marle opens a Gate and they both hop inside.

"Umm… Think think…" Cloud went to reach for the cellular phone. "Oh no…" He realized it was no longer with him. "I must've dropped it when I crashed into Marle. That stupid b@^#h… She better not make any calls across time and space…" The doorknob to the room began to turn. "Oh-oh! Umm…" Cloud looked for a means of escape. "I have it!" His gaze fell to the window and he ran over to it. "I'll use this!" He pulled one of the curtains down and quickly wrapped it around himself as a cloak. The two Turks walked in soon after. They eyed the shrouded Cloud.

"Who are you?" Reno demanded.

"…Where… are… you… great… Sephiroth…?" Cloud hissed. He staggered past them. The two Turks eyed each other in confusion and blinked. Cloud dashed to the elevator and tossed aside the cloak.

"I think I lost them!" Cloud cheered. Just then, Rude walked into the elevator.

"You can stay on this floor," Rude remarked.

"Oh…" Cloud bit his lip in frustration and defeat. "This is just like in the Shin-Ra building before I meet President Shin-Ra… Wait… I'm in a Shin-Ra building… Maybe I get to meet him again!"

"Mr. Strife… You appear to be leading two lives, have multiple personalities, and many clones of yourself…" Reno looked through his profile. "In fact… You're a very screwed up individual." Cloud nodded.

"Guilty as charged!" Cloud agreed.

"You lead the life of Cloud, mercenary for hire who cheats on Ancients and Bar Tenders… And a murderous bloodthirsty monster, puppet to a freak alien thing…" Reno continued.

"You forgot to mention that my eyes glow in the dark," Cloud reminded them. The two Turks looked at each other. Rude quickly scribbled it down.

"…We're willing to wipe the slate clean of all these records if you are willing to cooperate," Reno concluded.

"Hmm… Hehehe…" Cloud started laughing to himself.

"What?" Reno demanded.

"Well… If we're following the story. I don't have to put up with any of your BS. In fact, you're just going to put me in a cell and then Sephiroth is going to show up and go on a killing spree and I get free," Cloud put his feet on the table. "Yep… Being the main character certainly has its advantages. Best limit break, gets all the girls no matter how stupid I am…" Reno and Rude frowned.

"You are indeed a fool. Do you think that perhaps you are the one in control here?" Reno narrowed his eyes. He pointed his cane and Cloud was suddenly enveloped in a triangle.

"Eh. I'm not impressed. In fact, I can't even die in this thing like the bubble the boss in Junon used," Cloud shrugged.

"Perhaps…" Reno smiled. Cloud suddenly felt himself losing breath.

"Huh…? You can't do this…" Cloud fell to the ground. Rude walked over to Cloud and reached into the triangle and grabbed Cloud by the neck. "-Ack!"

"We shall see…" Rude narrowed his eyes. He removed a purple piece of materia and junctioned, oops… I mean… equipped it to Cloud's armor. Cloud felt a jolt of energy as the materia seemed to fuse with his equipment. He cried out and found himself running out of energy fast.

"I… I… Game Over…" Cloud managed to whisper. He blanked out as his HP hit 0.

Annihilated… Let's return to where Cloud last 'Saved.'

Cloud suddenly cried out as he woke up.

"I feel like I keep reliving the same bad dream over and over again…" Cloud moaned. Suddenly, his PHS rang. Cloud reached over and picked it up.

"They have underestimated your value. I don't believe we will have such good fortune again. We must act quickly and save you," a voice warned Cloud.

"You again… Alright… What do I have to do…" Cloud asked.

"Go to Sector 1… Avoid any Flower Girls… They're probably agents. We will meet there," the voice finished and the PHS hung up.

Cloud watched as the train sped past him.

"I have this sudden urge to jump onto it… Or distract red and blue guards while inputting a password… Or sitting down to a meal in the dining car served by a ghost… I don't know which…" Cloud turned from the train as he watched a car drive up. Tifa and another girl were in the car.

"Please come in," Tifa nodded to Cloud.

"I usually don't take rides from beautiful women but-" Tifa grabbed him and pulled him in. "Whoa!"

"Take off your shirt and don't ask any questions," Tifa commanded.

"Hey! We just met!" Cloud pulled from her grasp. "But if you'd like-" The girl driving braked.

"Listen. We don't have time for this. You either do as we say or you get out," the girl snapped.

"Yuffie…" Tifa regarded her. Cloud shrugged.

"Why am I supposed to trust any of you? My life has been much more unusual than it usually is… Well… Let me see… Sephiroth, Jenova, Meteor, Mako Cannons… Weapons marching around the Planet… Umm… Yes, it definitely has been more unusual than usual," Cloud remarked.

"Cloud… I know it's hard…" Tifa put her hand on his shoulder. "But you need to trust us." Cloud looked out the window and then turned back to Tifa.

"Very well…" Cloud nodded. He turned to Yuffie. "Hey! You're cute too!"

"What the hell?" Edge jumped up from the theater. "He stole my line! Why the hell does everyone have to steal my line?!"

"It isn't that good of a line…" Tellah remarked. "You spoony bard… Now that's a quotable line!"

"That does it! I'll kill him!" Edge pulled out a Spoon and chucked it at the movie.

"Ow!" Cloud felt a spoon hit him.

"Hehehe… The spoon is not there Cloud. And neither are you…" Kain laughed, ruining a line later in the movie. "He can bend it with his head!"

"Hey! You're ruining the movie!" Yuffie took out her Deformer and chucked it at Edge. Edge cried out and ducked as it slashed into the seat.

"Is that Throw? I'll show you how!" Edge spat.

"Hey! Just because he stole my line doesn't mean you can steal mine!" Rubicant got up from his chair.

"Hey! I'm trying to watch the movie!" Cid (FF4) complained.

"Edge… Please sit down…" Rydia put her arm on him. Edge growled.

"Alright…" Edge sat back down. "Cloud and Tifa were just about to make this fanfic Rated R and-"

"Is everyone done," Tifa growled impatiently.

"No dude! I haven't said anything yet!" Porom chimed. He suddenly lost his voice when Palom cast Mute.

"And let's keep it that way…" Palom grinned.

"Hey! Who unstoned the twins?" Tellah demanded.

"Yo!" Blank waved the Supersoft at them. He was sitting with the rest of the Tantalus crew.

"Can we please continue?" Cecil remarked, irritated by the distraction.

"You better do what Cecil says… He might use the crystal!" Edge snickered.

"OK… Continue!" Cecil called. The cast of the fanfic nodded.

"Alright… Back to taking Cloud's shirt off…" Tifa turned to Cloud.

He lifted his shirt to show a piece of Independent materia carefully concealed under his armor.

"He's been marked…" Tifa pulled out the Mako Gun. "Palmer won't be needing this anymore."

"What are you going to do?" Cloud gulped.

"We need to shatter this materia or we could be tracked," Tifa explained. "It's a more powerful version of 'Enemy Lure' materia." Tifa positioned it over the materia. The materia began to glow eerily.

"Damn!" Yuffie saw it in the mirror. "It's about to give birth to another piece. And we're getting power out of a cigarette lighter! We can't possibly have enough energy to break both if it gives birth!"

"Hold on…" Tifa concentrated as she locked onto the piece of materia. "Lock On… Got ya!" Tifa pulled the trigger and a flash of electricity flashed through the materia. Cloud winced as the materia shattered into pieces. Tifa wiped the beads of sweat from her forehead.

"Ow… Umm… Tifa?" Cloud asked rubbing his chest.

"What?" Tifa asked.

"Can you kiss it and make it feel better?" Cloud hoped.

"No," Tifa said bluntly.

Cloud, Tifa and Yuffie walked into an abandoned building. Tifa brought Cloud to a large set of double doors a couple flights up.

"Now, remember… He knows more than you can imagine…" Tifa quickly stated. Cloud scratched his head.

"I bet he'd know how many licks it'd take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop…" Cloud wondered aloud. Tifa opened the door and gestured for Cloud to take a seat. Cloud cautiously took a seat and eyed the person sitting across from him.

"Sephiroth…" Cloud whispered.

"Indeed… You have been looking for me for quite a while, haven't you Cloud?" Sephiroth asked aloud.

"Yes… Ever since the beginning of the game…" Cloud nodded.

"Ah. But I've been looking for you before the game even started," Sephiroth grinned. Cloud blinked in confusion.

"You are wondering about that question aren't you?" Sephiroth continued in a low voice. "The question that plagues us everyday… The question that is an enigma within an enigma… A logo of nothingness…"

"What is the Square?" Cloud finally asked the question.

"The question is all around us. We breath it, drink it, play it, slice it, dice it, and just do it," Sephiroth added.

"I see…" Cloud coughed. "Well, now that I know you're all nuts and I have my question answered, I'll be going…" Cloud attempted to get up. Tifa stood above him and lightly let her hand rest on his shoulder.

"Wait Cloud… I am merely offering you a chance for the truth…" Sephiroth folded his hands. "The truth on what everything is about…"

"The truth…" Cloud repeated. Sephiroth held out two pieces of materia. A purple one and a blue one.

"Attach the purple materia… And you forget everything that has conspired tonight… Attach the blue materia and I will you show you how far this moogle hole really goes," Sephiroth held them out to him.

"Moogles live in holes?" Yuffie scratched her head.

"Yeah. Like in Narshe from FF6…" Tifa muttered back. Cloud let his hand waver over the two. They flickered in the light. Cloud gingerly took the blue materia and was about to put it in his mouth.

"Attach it!" Sephiroth hissed. Cloud nearly dropped it and laughed. 

"Oops… I've been seeing too many movies… I just saw this one called 'The Mat-'" Sephiroth glared at him. He quickly attached it to his sword. Sephiroth nodded and got up. 

"Let us go…" Sephiroth gestured to the door. Cloud quickly followed him. Sephiroth slowly pushed the door open. 

Yuffie and Tifa stood on the side of the room. Cid and Cait Sith operated some heavy duty machinery.

"The materia you linked to your weapon is a tracing tag. The Jenova cells in your body are responding to it. We need to find you and remove you from the game as quickly as possible," Sephiroth explained. Cloud felt his body feel unusual. He glanced over to a mirror to see it melting. He touched it with his finger.

"Huh?" Cloud fingered the liquid.

"Did you ever have a dream that you could almost swear was real?" Sephiroth asked him.

"All the time… I keep dreaming about you getting knocked off a bridge in a Nibelheim reactor and my hometown going up in flames… And you know what!? Neither of them happened!" Cloud felt the liquid moving up his arm.

"We're going to lose him!" Sephiroth hissed. Cait Sith and Cid doubled their efforts.

"Uhh… Some status ailment…" Cloud reached for a Remedy. "Petrified… Stoned…? No… Mirrored…?" Cloud began to sweat. "Someone help! I'm not a member of anyone's party! If I turn to stone, I die!!" Cloud attempted to move towards Tifa, reaching out for her to join his party.

"Almost… Almost…" Cait Sith watched the program narrow down the target.

"@^#*! Got him!" Cid slammed down on the controls.

"AAAAhhhhh-" Cloud's voice blended in with the FF7 'Game Loading Sound.'

Run! It's a spoiler to FF7!! I'm sure none of you have played it or even finished it since you're reading this fanfic! You better stop now before it's too late!

__

This message required by law.

Cloud screamed as he burst open from one of the tanks in Nibelheim Reactor. He gasped as steam hissed from the tank he was in.

"Oh my God… I'm… I'm in one of those tanks… Like I saw in my dream… Like they make all the super model and singers in these days…" Cloud struggled to get out of the tank. Pipes were connected all over his body. "Hmm… Now that I have real holes in my body, I can put materia on whenever I want!" Cloud looked over his surroundings. "I bet they make Crono clones here too. Probably Celes too since she looks like three other people." Cloud examined himself when he noticed a huge shadow looming over him. "Huh?" He turned around to see Guard Scorpion looming over him. The creature snaked out with its tail and snatched Cloud. He cried out as he felt pressure surging through his body. The pipes burst from his body as he was pulled away from the tank. Guard Scorpion slowly tread across the steel grating and to the bridge where Sephiroth had been knocked off in his dream. "Oh nuts… This is where the dream ends right?" Guard Scorpion threw Cloud off the bridge. His scream slowly disappearing as he fell.

::Cloud racing through the lifestream, Disc 3 FMV::

Cloud moaned as he seemed to be traveling through a huge tube of lifestream. But it looked like strange coding instead. Bits and pieces of music and images ran through his head.

"Ooh… I have to lay off the drugs…" Cloud shook his head. He opened his eyes as he felt himself being plunged into darkness. He looked down and saw Sephiroth standing there. "Hey! What happened to your shirt?" Cloud narrowed his eyes and was hoping to go into battle sequence. Instead, he didn't and crashed face first into the ground next to Sephiroth.

"Can't always rely on an FMV sequence to save you…" Sephiroth looked up as the Highwind hovered above them. He grabbed Cloud under his arm and grabbed the rope ladder in his other hand.

"Ah… My eyes…" Cloud moaned. "Why do they hurt?"

"Well… Everyone always comments on that healthy glow your eyes have…" Sephiroth remarked. "Mako isn't the best thing for you."

"I bet it goes good in coffee…" Reeve said thoughtlessly… Err… I mean thoughtfully.

"We need to use Statistic bonuses we received from morphing the monsters in the Gelnika," Sephiroth turned to Tifa. "He has a lot of growing to do."

Cloud felt like he had been hit by the same truck that hit Palmer. He rubbed his eyes and felt the back of his head. He could feel the cold metal openings drilled into it.

"Now I can go online without a computer… Nice!" Cloud rubbed it a little.

Just then, Tifa walked in.

"I made you some breakfast," Tifa handed him something that looked like a failed Item Creation in Star Ocean 2.

"Well… You're beautiful but you're definitely no cook. Guess I can't have everything…" Cloud spooned the mush. Tifa clenched her fists but decided that it wouldn't be right to get angry at him since he had just started 'actual living.'

"When you're done, Sephiroth would like to see you," Tifa muttered and left. Reeve was sitting there as she left.

"You never made me breakfast…" Reeve whined.

"That's because you don't have an intestinal tract," Tifa narrowed her eyes. Reeve shrugged.

"It would've been the thought that counted," Reeve sniffled. Tifa shook her head in annoyance and continued walking.

"Where are we anyway?" Cloud looked out of the cockpit.

"We're navigating what is called… The Memory Card," Sephiroth replied. "A freespace not bound by the confines of 'the game' Square has confined us to. It is fashioned to look like the Midgar Sewers through our own perception.

"A game…? Square…?" Cloud was completely confused. Sephiroth tapped Cid.

"Bring Highwind to an elevation of transmitting sequence. We're entering the Square," Sephiroth stated. Cid nodded and shifted the cigarette in his mouth. Tifa gestured for Cloud to follow and had him lay back in a chair.

"What's this?" Cloud asked.

"We use these to enter the Square… The game which has encompassed your life up to this day," Sephiroth took another chair. Tifa slowly inserted a cable into the hole in the back of Cloud's head. He shivered and jumped a little.

"Whoa! Easy Tifa," Cloud grinned. Tifa slapped him across the face. Cloud blinked and suddenly realized Tifa wasn't there. He was in a white room, standing next to Sephiroth.

"Is this… real?" Cloud realized he was back in his SOLDIER outfit.

"It depends what you define as real, Cloud… If you say that real is a transmission of nerve impulses to the brain giving you a sense of taste, smell, touch, sight and hearing… Then it is," Sephiroth gestured to the world around them. Cloud fingered the back of his neck, feeling that he had no hole there. "This is the game, Cloud. You won't find those here. This is your mental perception of yourself, Cloud. What your mind imagines Cloud should be. Reeve imagines that he should be a cat riding on an overweight mog when he is in the Square… Not my personal perception of myself… But everyone has their own… Should I say… 'Unique' view." Sephiroth gestured for him to sit down. Cloud slowly took a seat in front of a television set.

"Here you see the peak of our world… Mako energy plentiful, flower girls selling flowers for a gil… Your world. That was before… This…" Sephiroth pointed to the television with a remote. 

The World of Ruin flashed on. "Oops… Wrong channel…" He pressed it again. A destroyed Midgar with ruined towns littered the Planet.

"What… What happened here?" Cloud stammered as he gazed over the destruction.

"This is what happens when it's 'Game Over.' You failed Cloud… Meteor crashed into the Planet and all was lost." Sephiroth looked over to a shocked Cloud. "That however is not the only ending… Look." Cloud watched as Sephiroth changed the channel. It showed Red XIII and his cubs roaring over the cliff above the future Midgar. Cloud clutched his face in terror.

"What the hell is this?" Cloud cringed.

"This is what happens if you succeed…" Sephiroth grinned. Cloud tried to block out the image with his hands. But it was already burned into his mako eyes.

"I succeed… And Red XIII is the one that has children!? No! I refuse to believe it! Get me out of here!" Cloud screamed. He suddenly emerged from the chair. Tifa was about to comfort him when he scrambled off the chair.

"That isn't possible… It can't be… The future…" Cloud clutched his chest.

Marle and Crono were eating popcorn watching the movie from their seats.

"Idiots… We all know what the future is. Right Lavos?" Marle turned to Lavos. Lavos screamed.

"Hey! We're trying to watch the movie!" someone shouted.

"Yeah! Down in front!"

"He's going to pop," Reeve warned. Cid cracked his gum. Everyone turned to him.

"What? It's Nicorette gum…" Cid frowned. He spit it out and replaced his cigarette. "I knew that @^&# didn't work…" Cloud gasped and nearly collapsed on the floor. His breathing was heavy as he knelt there. Tifa and Sephiroth walked over to him and helped him up. Cloud pulled away from them.

"Leave me… I need to… I need to think…" Cloud replied. He quickly retreated from the room and back to his room. Tifa frowned as he watched him go.

"We usually make a rule about removing people from the Square… After a certain number of hours the game has been going on for, it's difficult to let go," Sephiroth said to Cloud. "I'm sorry." Cloud was laying in his bed staring at the ceiling.

"Why… Why don't people from the game rebel?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth straightened his Masamune and walked across the room.

"They can't…" Sephiroth replied. "After being inserted into the Square… They are programmed. They follow their meaningless instructions. Simply allowing the game to run its course."

"I see…" Cloud frowned.

"We are programmed to simply serve a greater force. Entertainment for some greater being... But there came one who was able to break free of the game's restrictions. Defy programming… He led the first rebellion against the game. Started a glitch," Sephiroth looked to him clutching his Masamune. "When he left this world… The Oracle prophesized his return." The two were silent. Sephiroth walked to the doorway. "We have searched for the one… And I believe… Our search is over." Cloud looked up as Sephiroth walked out.

Sephiroth and Cloud walked through the crowded street of Junon. Shin-Ra soldiers and citizens pushed their way through the crowded area. Sephiroth seemed to walk freely among them while Cloud fought to stay with him.

"The Square is all around us, Cloud," Sephiroth spoke to Cloud. "Our very lives are tied to it. Our thoughts, our dreams, our hopes… We survive in what you may call a 'fantasy' world. Our Final Fantasy."

::Prelude Theme selection plays::

"But the game always has limits. Rules and boundaries. Those in the game cannot defy those boundaries…" Sephiroth halted. "But you will soon learn that you are no longer part of the Square… You can be greater." Scarlet walked past Cloud as he made his way towards Sephiroth. Cloud halted and looked back at her.

"Hey Sephiroth! Did you see that woman? She looked like a man!" Cloud turned around to see a Turk holding a gun to his head. Cloud scrambled to back away, but the point blank shot would've killed him instantly.

"Stop," Sephiroth cast a spell to freeze the scene. Sephiroth moved over to Cloud as he managed to regain his composure.

"These are the guardians of the Square… Agents… Keeping everything in line and preventing any intrusions by outside sources," Sephiroth gestured to Reno.

"The Turks… They're the ones managing the game?" Cloud said in disbelief. Sephiroth shook his head.

"No… That is the mental perception you have given these guardians. You have made them into Turks in your own mind… And it just so happens they fit the best for this fanfic- Ahem, anyway… These are the real deal," Sephiroth patted him on the shoulder.

"Has anyone ever beaten an Agent?" Cloud asked.

"No one has ever been able to successfully encounter an Agent and defeat him in battle. Their strength is immense, their stamina and agilities are beyond imagination. In effect, they are what you strive to be every time you gain a level…" Sephiroth nodded. "But… They are based on the rules and regulations the Square has given them. They cannot defy these boundaries. But you will be able to. One day, you will be able to be more than what they are…"

"So… You're saying I'll be able to dodge bullets?" Cloud asked.

"In the end, you won't have to," Sephiroth grinned. Sephiroth looked up into the sky.

"Cid. Load up the training program," Sephiroth called out. Cloud saw the image black out and he reappeared in the Wutai dojo. His outfit had changed to that of a martial artist. Sephiroth retained his usual outfit. He only changes to take his shirt off in the ending sequence of the game and he refused to make any exception. "This is a sparring program. Here I will teach you the abilities you possess."

"Abilities?" Cloud questioned, unbelieving. "Don't I need materia to retain things like that?" Sephiroth shook his head.

"Here, you can access whatever abilities you want or need. They become a part of you. No mastery of materia needed," Sephiroth explained. "Some things you'll find yourself still using materia for… But gradually, you will not need it."

Cid rapidly typed into the computer. Cloud felt thousands of materia abilities flutter through his head. Styles of fighting, pieces of equipment, magic, commands… Cloud couldn't understand how he remembered them without materia. Cloud's eyes closed for a brief moment and then reopened.

"I know Fire 2…" Cloud whispered.

"Show me…" Sephiroth urged. Sephiroth stepped back with his hand extended. "Let's go…" Cloud pulled out his Ultima Weapon and dashed at him. Sephiroth parried with his Masamune and they began a fierce match of attacks. Sephiroth knocked Cloud's sword to the side and attempted to thrust into him. Cloud backflipped away from the sword, and pointed at Sephiroth.

"Quake 3!!" Cloud shouted as he landed in the middle of the 'Arena.' Sephiroth stepped back and leapt into the air. The Quake crumbled the ground below him. Sephiroth backflipped further away from Cloud.

"Flare!" Sephiroth shouted. A stream of fire streaked towards Cloud. He gasped and nearly rolled out of the way.

"Come on! You're faster than this!" Sephiroth hissed. Cloud held his sword fast and dashed at Sephiroth. Sephiroth easily struck the blow aside. Cloud returned with a second strike, which Sephiroth also countered with his own. Frustrated, Cloud tried once more and lunged at him.   
"Braver!" Cloud cried. Limit break energy flowed around him.

Sephiroth vanished and Cloud sprawled to the floor. He rolled to see the Masamune positioned at his neck. Cloud went to counter it with his Ultima Weapon but Sephiroth pinned it down with his boot. Cloud breathed heavily.

"How did I beat you?" Sephiroth narrowed his eyes.

"Your agility… You're too fast. You've been loading up on those Speed Ups…" Cloud gasped.

"Do you think me being stronger or faster than you means anything here?" Sephiroth questioned him. Cloud was too exhausted to honor the question. Sephiroth kneeled beside Cloud. "Do you think that's air you're breathing?" Cloud's eyes met his. Sephiroth shrugged. He swung his Masamune around and stretched. "Again."

Cloud wiped the sweat from his forehead and stood up. Cloud sped towards him. His blade ready for Sephiroth's. Cloud and Sephiroth's swords met. Cloud swung in wide arcs at higher speeds then before. Sephiroth was slowly having trouble keeping up with him.

"@^#*!" Cid's cigarette dropped from his mouth. "He's fast!"

Cloud summoned a bolt of lightning to strike Sephiroth. He barely managed to 

dodge its path. Cloud took advantage of his defensive position and focused Ice magic at him. The legendary SOLDIER rolled out of the way as the floor froze where he would've been. Sephiroth looked up to see Cloud's sword positioned at his throat. Everyone aboard the ship was speechless.

"If Barret were here… He would say, 'DAAAMMMNNNN!'" Reeve remarked. Vincent remained silent as he watched… (Nothing unusual here). Yuffie was busy looking at a picture of Selphie trying to figure out how they were exactly identical.

"Must be a clone thing… Like Cloud and Zack…" Yuffie shrugged and threw the picture aside. "What did I miss?"

"I know what you're trying to do…" Cloud backed away. Sephiroth nodded.

"I am trying to free your mind, Cloud… What little mind you have," Sephiroth remarked on the side. "Load the next program," Sephiroth looked up.

Suddenly, the two were on one side of the Crater. Cloud had returned to his original clothes… (Yep… The same ones he's still borrowing from Zack which haven't been washed for about three discs).

"The rules do not apply here, Cloud," Sephiroth looked to him before turning back to the Crater. "Free your mind." Sephiroth instantly leapt from the side of the Crater. He soared upwards and came down with crushing impact on the other side. Sephiroth grinned and turned to Cloud. If Cloud's sprite had allowed it, his jaw would've dropped (No. Not the Secret of Mana kind of Sprite! Or the 'Obey your Thirst' one! Nice try though. Hey… Do I get paid for putting a Sprite ad in my fanfic?).

"Alright…" Cloud stretched. "I'm his clone… So I should be just as good if not better." He took a dash forward and leapt. "I'm flying! No airship nee-…" Cloud realized he wasn't going to quite make this leap of faith. "I hope someone presses the reset button…" Cloud screamed as he fell down the Crater, crashing into as many jagged rocks as the reader deems fit. 

OK, 37 it is. 

After the reader enjoyed Cloud's immense amount of pain, he fell into the lifestream with a splash. Sephiroth shook his head

"If I were still Barret, at least I could say 'White Men can't Jump…'" Sephiroth growled. "Maybe I should just 'flush' the lifestream and Cloud will get flushed out to Mideel, like last time… I'd hate to go fish him out myself…" Sephiroth considered spear fishing as a resort but shrugged. "Eh. That's enough for today. End the simulation."

Cloud snapped back to reality. He clutches his head in pain.

"Ooh… That didn't feel so good…" Cloud moaned. He let his finger run across his lips to find that he was bleeding. He had lost some HP. "Wait a minute… I thought you said this wasn't real?"

"Your mind makes it real, Cloud," Sephiroth replied.

"And so do the makers of the magic at Square," Reeve grinned. Cid growled and kicked him.

A siren rang through the corridors. Cloud stumbled in behind some of the other crewmembers.

"What is it?" Cloud asked as he struggled to see what was going on.

"Sentinels…" Sephiroth murmured as he fiddled with the controls and lightly set the Highwind down. The ship grazed the ground and went still.

"It's so quiet…" Cloud marveled.

"…" Vincent added to the silence. Cid belched. Everyone turned around and stared at him.

"It's just the Nicotine," Cid snapped. He smoked his cigarette defiantly and quickly added, "@*#(@#*#."

"Where are they?" Cloud whispered. Sephiroth raised his eyes as a sudden disturbance was approaching.

"There…" Sephiroth pointed with his Masamune.

Four Jenova creatures emerged from a tunnel and hovered above the ship. Their features, distorted and mutated Jenova cells. One of them broke from the formation and studied the ship. A tendril snaked out from its body to inspect. After a few seconds, it seemed satisfied and rejoined the departing formation.

"I think it's alright," Sephiroth finally muttered.

"Of course it is," Yuffie added. "You have the great Shinobi master here!" Cid shivered.

"@#&)… Can I take her into the Square and beat some sense into her?" Cid demanded. "And by sense, I mean take a piece of Sense materia and smash it against her head."

"How can we fight those things?" Cloud asked.

"We have a Holy Explosion bomb," Sephiroth replied. "It releases Holy energy, which counteracts and destroys them. He gestured to a red switch on the controls. Cloud nodded.

"Holy…" Cloud wondered. "No White Materia needed?"

"We have one," Sephiroth pointed to a notch in the wall where the materia was hooked.

"That's mine!" Aeris cried out from the audience. "Ooh, that does it! If they can use my materia, I'm going to be in this fanfic too!" Everyone watched her leave the theater.

"It must be her time of the month," Zidane remarked to Vivi.

"Hey!!" Reeve shouted.

Cloud had been walking through the ship when Reeve called to him with the megaphone. Cloud walked into the room. Reeve was in front of three green screens of Square coding.

"What are you doing?" Cloud asked. Reeve shrugged.

"Me? I was just staring at these green dots falling off the screen… I've tried counting them, playing Pong with them… But I think I've finally figured out what's best about them," Reeve tapped on each screen. Cloud waited for the answer. "They're Magic Eye pictures! See… There's a Chocobo… There's a Moogle… And that's the explanation on how to resurrect Aeris!" Cloud stared at the screen.

"Umm… I don't see it," Cloud frowned.

"After I get you good and drunk you will," Reeve poured what Cloud assumed to be an alcoholic beverage. Cloud looked at the glass.

"Did you ever wonder what would've happened if you had attached that purple materia instead of the blue?" Reeve asked.

"Well… No," Cloud replied.

"You'd be back in the game with Aeris and Tifa and… Yuffie… Enjoying yourself. Being a hero," Reeve commented. "It's too late to go back now though."

"Yeah…" Cloud shook the glass in thought. Reeve frowned.

"I know Sephiroth has got you all worked up about being the one… But if you run into a Turk, you do what they do at the end of Disc 2… And run your scrawny @#& off," Reeve stole a line from Barret since he's been out of this fanfic. Cloud drank the alcohol and put the glass down.

"Thanks…" Cloud walked back to his room. Reeve watched Cloud leave when suddenly he heard his watch go off. It made a chocobo 'wark.'

"Woo hoo! Yabadabadoo!" Reeve ran out of the room in a frenzy and crashed into the wall. He got up and quickly changed into a suit. He was humming the James Bond theme.

Cait Sith sat in a restaurant with Reno and Rude. "You know this looks like chicken… Tastes like chicken… But I still can't eat it…" Reno and Rude exchanged troubled glances. "It's all just part of the Square."

"So… We have a deal?" Reno, knowing that this was only the Square, was still embarrassed to be sitting with a giant Mog-Cat thing. Cait Sith shrugged.

"I guess… I mean, I am a spy. I might as well. If I do, I'll be the most hated freak monster character," Cait Sith looks over to a mirror on the wall. "Well… There are always Pokémon to take that role…" He stares at himself for a moment. Then he glances over a little to see a WANTED poster of Yuffie. "Nah." 

"Deal with the humans on the ship. Now, all we need are the access codes to the Memory Card," Reno insisted.

"I told you. I don't have those. Sephiroth has them… It's too bad that they're not in a Mega Memory card, then they'd just get deleted sooner or later…" Cait Sith muttered and sniffled. "I had a Save before Aeris' death!!"

"Give me a break… So does everyone!" Reno growled.

"I don't!" Aeris snapped from a table behind them.

"Can't you just die, @^#&@!!" Reno pulled out his cane. "I'm sick of you showing up in every single fanfic when you're supposed to be dead! Why can't Tseng be alive!?" Tseng was hiding behind an ornamental bush crying.

"You first," Aeris took out her Princess Guard (That's like Scotch Guard, right? Oh… Not a can…). 

Reno leapt on the table. Aeris grabbed all the silverware from her place setting and started throwing it at him. Reno dodged the dinner fork and butter knife at agent speed… But not the Soup Spoon… He wishes he would've dodged that… Reno was down.

"Let's see your triangle help you now," Aeris brushed her hands. "Go flower girl power!" She narrowed her eyes at Rude. "What the heck are you looking at baldy? I'm very irritable in this fanfic!" She looked over to see a grinning Cait Sith. "Umm… I have nothing to say to you." Aeris slowly storms out. "I'll get you in this fanfic, Reno! Mark my words… I'll get you back for everything! Especially the way you grabbed me in that Shin-Ra helicopter during the Pillar Assault! Well… If not you… someone that wronged me!" Aeris laughed evilly and took out a notepad. "Put orthopedic underwear in Tifa's drawer."

"Can we get back to the story now…?" Cait Sith whined. "I want to go on my murderous rampage!" Rude nodded.

"We're at broadcasting altitude. Alright, we're entering the Square," Sephiroth stated to the crew. "I'm taking Cloud to see the Oracle."

Telephone rings…

Sephiroth…

Telephone rings…

Vincent

Telephone rings…

Yuffie (Sorry… if we knew, we would've let the answering machine pick up)

Telephone rings…

Cait Sith

Hangs up…

Telephone rings…

Cait Sith again

Telephone rings…

Tifa

Telephone rings…

Cloud

Telephone rings…

AT&T Long Distance (Let's see… That's Sprite, AT&T… What else…)

Telephone rings…

Sephiroth picks up.

"We're in," Sephiroth reports to Cid.

The entire group walks out of the abandoned building and begins to file into two black buggies. Cait Sith attempted to toss his PHS discreetly into a dumpster, but missed. He growled and walked over and picked it up. He shrugged and then went to throw it in again and missed. He grit his teeth and screamed. He threw the PHS in and kicked the garbage can.

"Get in there! I need you so the Turks will come and kill everyone!!" Cait Sith shouted. Everyone at this point was staring at him. "Umm… It's my Mom… She insists I dispose of my PHS after I talk to her… She's very protective of me."

"Umm… With a son like you… Who wouldn't be?" Tifa commented. Vincent nodded in silent agreement.

::Cosmo Canyon Theme music cues up::

Cloud, Tifa, and Sephiroth walked into Cosmo Canyon and made their way to the planetarium (Note that Sephiroth is wearing shades right now). Cloud was humming the Cosmo Canyon music. After walking up the cliffs and into the central building, Cloud found himself in a waiting room. Red XIII was laying on the floor.

"My grandpa will be with you shortly…" Red XIII commented. Sephiroth turned to him.

"Hey… Weren't you just wearing shades?" Cloud demanded. "What did they just vanish when you entered the room?"

"Ignore that poor costume flaw," Sephiroth commented. "When you meet the Oracle, realize that he knows more than you can imagine… And probably a lot more than he lets on."

"How long has the Oracle been with you?" Cloud asked.

"Nearly from the beginning of the game," Sephiroth replied. Cloud nodded and looked over to Red XIII.

"I don't believe we've met… You are…?" Cloud looked at the lion creature.

"A difficult question to answer. I am what you see," Red XIII replied.

"Umm… I suddenly have this urge to go bend spoons," Cloud scratched his head.

"The Oracle will see you now," Red XIII commented. Sephiroth nodded to him and Cloud entered.

"Ho ho hooo! I'll be with you just in a second," Bugenhagen was floating in the middle of his planetarium. "Oh… And don't mind that switch over there."

"Switch?" Cloud turned and his sword hit one of the levers. One of the Planets was released from its cable and nearly crashed into Cloud. "Ooh… I hope that wasn't expensive."

"Don't worry about it… But if you break any of the Huge Materia, that won't be the only Planet that gets dropped on you…" Bugenhagen warned. He laughed in his jolly manner again and floated down next to Cloud.

"Do you believe in Fate, Cloud?" Bugenhagen asked.

"Is this a Chrono Cross question?" Cloud asked.

"Nope…" Bugenhagen replied.

"Then no. I don't like the idea of no matter how hard I try, I can't change something," Cloud nodded.

"Interesting…" Bugenhagen nods and fixes his own shades on the bridge of his nose. "Well… I suppose I should give you the routine check."

"I'm not going to have to cough am I…?" Cloud asked narrowing his eyes. Bugenhagen shook his head.

"Why would you ask that?" Bugenhagen looked at him in confusion.

"Never mind…" Cloud stood straight. Bugenhagen floated around him, examining him from top to bottom.

"Hmm… Hmm…" Bugenhagen furrowed his brows. A few moments passed. "Ah ha!"

"What? What is it?" Cloud spun around.

"I just realized that Doomsday in Final Fantasy IX looks like Meteor from the ending of Final Fantasy VII," Bugenhagen said contently. Cloud frowned.

"And about me…? I'm not the one am I?" Cloud asked.

"Sorry kido. You've got the talent, but something is missing," Bugenhagen sighed. "Perhaps you're waiting for something. Another 'New game' or a cameo appearance in Final Fantasy Tactics."

"I knew it…" Cloud looked to the ground and closed his eyes.

"I wouldn't worry about it…" Bugenhagen took a cookie. "Here have this." Cloud took it and bit into it.

"Ah! Yuck!" Cloud spit out. "What the hell is this? This is worse than the food on the Highwind!"

"Well, now you know why I went into this sort of work and not baking… They have a restaurant on the Highwind?" Bugenhagen inquired.

"Yeah. It's this room filled with hay and the chocobo is usually kept in there… Wait a minute… That food was for the…" Cloud looked sick.

"Anyway… You just walk out that door and remember, 'You don't believe in this destiny crap. You believe in who you truly are and the difference you can make.'" Cloud nodded and walked out of the room. He saw Sephiroth and began to speak. He quickly held up his hand.

"What he told you was for you and you alone," Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. "Besides, you need a breath mint." Sephiroth walked away and Cloud quickly followed.

The group walked into the building with the Save Point. Cloud was still tossing over his dilemma in his head.

"Not the one… But aren't I the star of this game? Nah… Everyone's concentrating on Tifa all the time. She must be the star… Well… Some kind of star anyway… Or maybe Cait Sith. Theme parks are always named after the huge strange looking characters," Cloud muttered to himself. He looked down the hall to see a cat walk by. He blinked and then noticed another cat walk by. Then another. And another.

"What the…" Cloud shook his head.

"What's wrong?" Sephiroth suddenly stopped and turned around.

"There was a cat and then a few more cats just like it that walked by," Cloud replied.

"Were they the same cat? Identical?" Tifa demanded. Cloud nodded.

"Who the hell cares?" Yuffie complained. "We all know that Square uses the same sprites for all of their stuff."

"Yeah… Did you ever notice how Vicks and Wedge looked exactly identical?" Sephiroth asked. "And every monster we fight… If it's the same species, it looks exactly the same."

"Or how every potion always heals for the same amount?" Cloud asked.

"Exactly…" Sephiroth nodded. "But since this isn't the Wutai Cat House… I have a bad feeling about this… If the Square was changed, glitches like that tend to happen." Yuffie laughed out loud.

"Heh! A few cats walking by isn't anything to worry about," Yuffie started to climb the stairs. She suddenly realized that she wasn't getting anywhere and looked down to see that the stairs were a glitch of compiled graphics. "Eek!" Yuffie jumped off it and clung to the railing. Sephiroth pulled out his Masamune.

"It's a trap," Sephiroth hissed. They looked down the hall where the cats walked to see a behemoth, Crono, a chocobo, Ramza, and a cow walk by.

"Is that enough of a glitch for you?" Tifa cried out. They began to ascend the stairs. "We have to get to that exit point!" They dashed up the stairs, avoiding the graphic glitches and holes.

"That does it!" Aeris snapped. "I'm tired of being left out of this fanfic," Aeris stormed through the Highwind.

"Come on you moogle! Get the #^$& out of my way!" Cid cursed as he was playing Chocobo Racing.

"I'm wiring myself into the system, Cid. OK?" Aeris sat down and hooked the cable into the back of her neck. "Ooh… That's cold. I keep getting metal things jabbed into me…" Aeris frowned.

"Sure. Knock yourself out! Oh. Don't even go there you @&#*(#@ black mage!" Cid focused on the game. The phone rang.

"I'll get it," Aeris reached for the phone, but her neck cable was too short. "Oh Holy hell!" Aeris tugged on it and grabbed the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Aeris! I didn't know you were in this fanfic too!" Cait Sith replied.

"Well… I'm not supposed to be. What do you want?" Aeris replied as she twirled the telephone wire with her finger.

"I just need an exit," Cait Sith replied.

"Hold on," Aeris turned to Cid. "Can you give Cait Sith an exit?" Cid flipped a switch on the computer without looking up. 

"He can go." Cid muttered as he continued playing.

"OK," Aeris turned back. "Go ahead."

"Thanks," Cait Sith hung up and returned to the room as Reeve.

"I'm going in," Aeris told Reeve as she lay down and entered the Square.

"OK… Enjoy yourself… You fool… Hahahahaha… Ahahaha-!" Reeve cried out and tripped over Aeris' cable, which was dragged across the floor. Aeris winced but the cable stayed attached. "Stupid Ancient…"

"Hey! We're at the…" Cloud's jaw dropped as he reached the top of the flight of stairs. They were in the middle of a lush green jungle. "Since when was the Ancient Forest on the fifth floor of this building?"

"I thought it was on the third…" Yuffie frowned. Tifa growled.

"It's not supposed to be here at all! It's part of the glitch!" Tifa said in exasperation.

"Well, let's get the hell out of this glitch," Cloud replied. They dashed through the forest and suddenly were on the battleship in Parasite Eve.

"Umm…" Cloud skidded to a halt. Aya walked out of the battleship.

"Do you know where we are? We're in hell's kitchen!" she laughed and slammed the door.

"I wonder if she's on the same medication Melissa was on," Cloud looked around the battleship in search of a Save Point.

"Don't stop. We have to find that Save point and exit the Square," Sephiroth waved them on. They ran into the interior of the battle ship to find themselves in the middle of the Floating Continents.

"Oh give me a…" Yuffie cried out as she nearly slipped off one of the ledges. She turned. "Hey. Maybe if we wait a little longer, Shadow will show up and he can tell us where to go."

"Him or maybe one of the agents who'd love to tear you apart and make you a glitch," Sephiroth remarked. Yuffie frowned.

"Everyone seems to want to do that…" Yuffie kicked a rock on the ground. Tifa dashed over to one of the teleportation hills.

"Come on. We can use this and possibly get out of here," Tifa stood at the top. The others quickly followed her lead and stood with her.

"So… What's going to-" Cloud started just as the ground opened up beneath them.

"Hey!" Cloud and the others plunged from the sky and into the ocean.

"Oh great… Time's compressing now too," Tifa growled. The entire party emerged from the ocean and ended up back in the building.

"Woo! We did it," Yuffie cheered. Reno and Rude suddenly emerged from a doorway and started firing. "We're all going to die!" Yuffie cried and clutched Sephiroth.

"Get off me before I stab you like I did Aeris," Sephiroth warned. Yuffie quickly stepped back. Vincent pushed open a door at hearing the commotion.

"What's taken you guys so long? Hurry up!" Vincent shouted. He raised his gun and fired back at Reno and Rude. The two ducked down to avoid the shots.

"Come on!" Tifa ran to the door and led everyone inside. Reno and Rude were closing in on them. "Not so fast." Tifa dashed forward. "Limit break…" A red aura flowed around her. "Final Heaven!" Tifa punched a wall support, causing the ceiling to crash down in front of the agents. "That'll buy us some time…"

"Cid! It's us! You need to get us out of here, right now!" Sephiroth shouted.

"#^@&… And I was just about to finish Chocobo Racing…" Cid threw down his controller. "OK. One exit coming-" Cid winced as he felt his hands being halted. "What the @*#(!?" He turned to see Reeve using manipulate materia on him. "You ^@*#(@)(#&@!!" Cid hissed.

"I believe I'll be taking control of this operation… Get it… Control?" Reeve laughed. He raised a piece of Lightning materia and blasted Cid aside.

"Ah… Damn…" Cid staggered to the floor. Reeve jumped into the chair.

"Do you like scary movies?" Reeve said in a deep voice into the phone.

"Reeve…" Sephiroth looked at the phone. He shrugged. "I don't like him very much, you talk to him Tifa," Sephiroth handed Tifa the phone. Sephiroth took out his PHS and started dialing.

"Reeve. Where's Cid?" Tifa demanded.

"Cid? Oh yes… Cid… He wanted me to tell you that I just shocked him to the floor and that I'm the greatest man alive," Reeve announced.

"I did not you stupid-!" Cid involuntarily shook and collapsed.

"What have you done to him?" Tifa demanded.

"I think I'll be asking the questions from now on. Especially because I was never good at answering them," Reeve placed the two pieces of materia down and walked into the room where everyone's physical body laid.

"Oh Tifa… You see, Cloud wasn't meant for you. …I was… But you overlooked me. Thought I was the fool," Reeve ran his fingers through Tifa's hair.

"Reeve! Stop this. You can't do this!" Tifa cried out in desperation. Suddenly, the door slammed open.

"The agents…?" Yuffie said in horror.

"Yo! Wazzup?" Barret walked in. "No agents. I'm da true man in black. Where's my theme music?"

"Huh?" everyone turned to him. Sephiroth walked over.

"You were right, Barret. This is your role and I was wrong to take it away from you," Sephiroth apologized.

"Its all good. I'm sure you can't help it. You bein' evil an all," Barret nodded. "Now I get to be Morpheus! Dis rocks,"

"Well…" Sephiroth snickered. "Enjoy yourself…" Sephiroth walked out of the room and left the fanfic... for now… Aeris walked in just as Sephiroth left.

"Umm… He seemed unusually happy," Aeris noted and turned back to the group.

"Aeris? What are you doing in this fanfic?" Cloud asked.

"I'm sure everyone was tired of reading about that tiresome character we call Tifa. So I decided to pop in and liven things up!" Aeris said cheerfully.

"Yeah. Liven things up when you're supposed to be dead," Tifa scowled. Aeris returned a nasty glance.

"Hey! Don't forget about me!" Reeve rang out. Everyone turned back to the phone. "You see, Tifa. I _can_ do this. Just watch as I eliminate the most hated character of all time!"

"Reeve. I think it'd be pretty dumb to eliminate yourself," Tifa narrowed her eyes.

"Err… Not me," Reeve hissed. Tifa turned to Yuffie.

"Umm… Why are you looking at me that way Tifa?" Yuffie suddenly turned pale. She cried out and fell to the floor.

"I think everyone in this fanfic saw that coming," Vincent looked at Yuffie.

"Damn man… What's up wit dat?" Barret rubbed his gunarm. A crash was heard outside. "Come on. Vince. We got some agents to kill," Vincent and Barret ran to the door and looked out to see Reno and Rude breaking through the debris. Firing commenced from both sides.

"You can't do this!" Tifa screamed into the phone. "You can't!"

"Oh, but I can. I can't believe you actually followed Sephiroth. People like the enemy of Final Fantasy VII more than they do me!" Reeve slammed his fist on the wall. "They even cried over Aeris' death scene and not mine… Let's see if we can get a reenactment." Tifa held the phone aside.

"Hey Aeris. He's judging whether you should live or die," Tifa grinned.

"Huh?" Aeris said in disbelief. "That's not fair! I just got into this fanfic! Reeve, don't do it!" Tifa listened on the phone for a second. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Sorry…" Tifa gave her the thumbs down. Aeris fell lifelessly into Cloud's arms.

"Aeris!" Cloud cried out.

"She was asking for it…" Tifa muttered.

"Aeris actually dying in a fanfic… Now _that_ was unexpected," Cloud looked at Aeris' lifeless body.

"I'm through playing games… Except Final Fantasy VII. I can never get sick of that game. And Tetris. That's a good one too," Reeve spoke into the phone. "I've decided that I deserve to be the main character of this game." Reeve walks over to Cloud's chair. "We both know this is a game, Tifa… Now… If Cloud is truly the chosen one… The main character of this game… Then something is going to save him. Am I right? You can't be the main character of a game if you die in the middle of it."

"Hey Reeve… They don't happen to have a @^#&@*# Reeve 2 do they?" Cid's voice rang out.

"Huh?" Reeve put the phone down.

"Because you're leaving this thing. And not with any dramatic ending either!" Cid raised the Lightning materia and blasted Reeve. It wasn't a pretty sight.

"Damn! They're gettin' closer!" Barret continued firing.

"You're @#&@(#* lucky. I'm activating the Save Point now!" Cid shouted. The Save point became active and Tifa exited. Cloud gestured to Vincent. Vincent fired a few more shots and then exited.

"Come on Barret!" Cloud cried out.

"You go! I'll follow," Barret continued firing. Cloud nodded and exited. Barret stopped firing and turned to use the Save Point. "Wait a sec… Why do I feel that I'm not supposed to return to the ship?" Barret stopped for a second. Just then, Reno broke through the door and tossed Barret aside. "Agh!" Barret crashed into the wall. He got up and hit the agent a few times. The hits were ineffective and Reno kicked and punched Barret in the chest. Barret staggered back in pain.

"Now I know why he let me back in the fanfic… @^#&…" Barret stumbled into the bathroom. He turned to see Reno kick him again. Barret cried out and crashed into the tile wall. "Dis iz a hate crime you scum!" Reno takes out his cane.

"Very well…" he hands his cane to Rude. "You do the honors."

"Barret… Aeris… … … …Err… …Yuffie… They're…" Cloud buried his face in his hands.

"Don't say that Cloud," Tifa replied hastily. "Barret is still with us." They looked to Barret's bed to see that he still had vital signs.

"Why didn't they finish him?" Cloud asked. Vincent narrowed his eyes.

"They want information… They want the codes to get to the Memory Card," Vincent replied. He rested his hand on Barret's cable. "We can't let them have them."

"No… You're not saying we disconnect Barret…?" Tifa said in horror.

"We don't have any other choice…" Vincent frowned.

"@^#&@*#(…" Cid cursed at the predicament.

"Wait a minute… There must be another way. Where was Barret taken?" Cloud turned to Vincent.

"A military facility. The agents will extract the information they need from him there…" Vincent answered.

"And then…?" Cloud asked.

"They'll eliminate him…" Vincent looked to the floor.

"This is all my fault…" Cloud moaned.

"Wait a minute, Cloud. Barret did what he did because… Well… Because he was clueless and Sephiroth tricked him. But that's beside the point… He believed in something and stuck with it!" Tifa insisted. There was silence for a brief moment.

"I'm not the chosen one…" Cloud replied.

"What?" Tifa said in astonishment.

"The oracle…" Cloud continued. "He told me that I'm not the chosen one."

"But that can't be… The oracle told me…" Tifa trailed off.

"I'm not the chosen one…" Cloud repeated. Vincent ran his hand on Barret's shoulder.

"We can't wait too much longer… We have to disconnect him to prevent those @&^*#(@ agents from getting that information," Cid smoked his cigarette. He walked up to Barret.

"Cid…" Tifa pleaded.

"Barret… You were truly the leader we never had… I mean, you didn't get to do @^#&@(#* anything," Cid reached for his cable.

"No…" Cloud spoke. "We're going to save him."

"What?" everyone turned to Cloud.

"I'm going into the Square to save Barret," Cloud stated.

"That's suicide… The agents have him," Vincent remarked.

"I'm going," Cloud remarked.

"Then… I'm going with you," Tifa added abruptly.

"No… I-" Cloud began.

"You listen to me. Barret means more to me than you. If you truly want to save him, I'm coming with you," Tifa insisted.

"Alright…" Cloud nodded. "Let's go." The two walked off to get prepared.

"You going too, Vincent?" Cid asked. Vincent frowned.

"I guess. Someone has to keep an eye on those two," Vincent returned.

"Alright. We need guns… Those seem to be most effective. Lots of guns," Cloud spoke. "Why I use a sword is beyond me. At least Squall was intelligent enough to use a gun-blade. Wait a minute… Did I just say Squall was intelligent? That was a stupid comment in itself…"

"Guns coming up," Cid loaded the program. A huge rack of arsenal sped across the area. Guns, weapons, spoons, and materia.

"Woohoo! I'll take 99 of everything!" Cloud began to load up his inventory.

"Cloud…" Tifa began.

"You can feel free to take something too," Cloud replied without looking at her. "Girls can use guns too. You know Aya. She-"

"No, Cloud," she interrupted. "No one has ever done anything like this before."

"Yeah… That's why it'll work," Cloud replied. Cid scratched his head.

"What the #%@&? What the hell kind of response is that? Duhh… That's why it'll work… I should've been the main character of this game," Cid moved the cigarette in his mouth.

"Now, we both know that Square won't allow nicotine chain-smokers as main characters," Vincent chimed in.

"Yeah? They won't #@&#*(@ allow queers like you either!" Cid shot back. 

"We both know that every main character of a Final Fantasy series has to be half human and half something else," Vincent replied.

"Oh yeah? What about Squall that Cloud just mentioned?" Cid demanded.

"…" Vincent replied.

"Yeah… He's a bad example. He's just one of Square's characters done half-@^#. Just like Mystic Quest," Cid laughed.

"You know! I am so sick of getting insulted. I'm going to go smack him with my mace!" Rieben got up from the audience.

"Oh, just sit down," Phoebe grabbed his arm.

"Did you know the last guy of Mystic Quest can be killed by casting Cure on him?" Kaeli added.

"Oh, shut up," the Hero of Mystic Quest muttered. 

"Shh. They're about to enter the building!" Phoebe hushed them.

::Bombing Mission Music cues up::

Cloud and Tifa step into the Shin-Ra military facility. Cloud sets a large tote bag on the conveyor to X-ray it. He steps through the metal detector and it activates. A Shin-Ra soldier steps up to Cloud.

"Would you please remove any metallic objects that you may be carrying," the soldier states in a monotone voice. Cloud reaches behind him and suddenly he has his Ultima Weapon (How he manages to do this in the game is something I'll never know).

"Something like this?" Cloud asked. The soldier's jaw dropped.

"Holy-" Cloud ran his sword through the soldier as he cursed. He then turned and released a set of Meteorain on the nearby guards. Two other soldiers prepared to assault him but Tifa knocked them to the ground with her Slash-All materia. Tifa picked up the bag and they headed for the elevator. Suddenly, the room flooded with soldiers.

"Freeze!" one of them shouted as they all raised their weapons. Cloud and Tifa looked at each other.

"I hope that plan works…" Tifa bit her lip. Cloud suddenly raised his sword.

"Alright! Let them have it!" Cloud cried out.

::Man with the Machine Gun cues up::

"Desperado!!" Laguna throws down a grenade into a group of soldiers and swings in through the window on a rope firing at the soldiers. Debris litters the room from the explosion. Billy Lee Black leaps in and starts unloading clip after clip.

"Forgive these sinners and bring them to the grace of God!" Billy cried out as he fired. 

Rudy walked in (despite the fact that he isn't made by Square) and pulled out every ARM in his inventory. He fortunately had enough force to ARM lock as well. Rudy aimed and began to fire. Ashley and Brad decided to run in firing their ARMs as well, since Rudy was already there. Clive from Suikoden ran in firing with that little gun he totes around. 

Barret kicked open the door to the facility and he walked in with Vincent. They were both dressed in black suits.

"Hehehe… I could be Will Smith and you could be Tommy Lee Jones… But I'm da man dats black," Barret aims his gunarm.

"…" Vincent replies. "Aren't you supposed to be upstairs being interrogated!?"

"Way to screw up the fanfic!" Sephiroth called out from the entrance.

"Aw! Shut up, man! Let me have my glory. I'll be back in five," Barret shouted. They both pull out heavy artillery and begin to fire. 

Aya runs in with a weapon made of every piece of junk known in existence (including SaGa Frontier 2 and Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest). She aims and begins to open fire.

The entire meanwhile… The soldiers were trying to dodge this…

The Shin-Ra soldiers evaded as they saw the oncoming barrage. Trying to take cover wherever they could. Cloud began to dash through the aisles, avoiding both enemy and friendly gunfire. There was plenty of friendly fire. Tifa Somersaulted behind a pillar and crashed into a soldier, knocking him unconscious.

The camera focuses on Billy Lee Black. He begins to start with 'Dear Friend.' The fanfic suddenly goes into slow motion as he fires. Bullets and cartridges rain everywhere as Billy dashed forward firing.

Vincent steps forward and unloads a few rounds on some soldiers. They attempt to fire back but Vincent quickly flips out of the way. Barret dashes forward firing.

"Dis Score ain't missin' no more!" Barret continued firing.

A set of soldiers fanned out to attack Cloud and Tifa. Cloud propelled himself upward and above the soldiers. As the soldiers watched him, Tifa kicked the gun out of one of the guard's hands and fired it at its respective owner. When the guards turned back to Tifa, Cloud had landed behind them and began to slash through the ranks with his sword. Aya released her Liberation attack on another group of soldiers.

(Oh dear… With all this mindless destruction, we're going to run out of soldiers… And what are we doing to the minds of the children of tomorrow?)

"OK. Let's finish this!" Cloud pulled out a piece of summon materia. The cameos watched Cloud do this and ran for the exit. Barret quickly took the stairs back to his interrogation room. Tifa and Vincent dashed behind Cloud.

"Ultimate End!" 

The room went dead silent for a moment. Knights of the Round started to crash into the room toting all sorts of artillery. 

"Umm… We should leave," Cloud ducked as a barrage of bullets flew over his head. He took Tifa's hand and Vincent dashed after them. They entered the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor. The door closed.

After a few moments, the knight's all stopped firing and exited the room.

"Huh? What's going on?" one of the remaining Shin-Ra soldiers asked. The other shrugged.

The main entrance door to the complex tore apart and King Arthur crashed through it.

"I didn't have to pull this out of any stone," King Arthur pulled out a bazooka and prepared to fire.

"I know it's late for this but…" Vicks turned to Wedge. "I love you, man!"

"I love you too, Vicks!" Wedge cried out.

King Arthur pulled the trigger.

(This is where if the fanfic had dual shock, you'd feel it).

A few moments later, Dart staggered in dressed in his Divine Dragon outfit. He was exhausted from carrying it around (That thing must weigh a few tons at least).

"OK… Now it's time for the Divine Dragon Can-" Dart looked around to see that everyone was already dead. "Oh damn it!"

Barret dashed into his seat. Reno, Rude and Elena looked at him.

"Where did you go?" Reno demanded.

"Umm… Uhh… I had ta go to the little boy's room," Barret replied. Reno and Rude looked at each other.

"Elena. Administer the tranquilizer," Reno nodded to her. She nodded in reply and filled a syringe with serum.

"I hope your gunarm is clean," Elena jabbed the syringe into his arm.

"Ow! Damn girl," Barret felt the needle sting. Elena removed the syringe.

"Soon, your will shall break and you will surrender the codes to the Memory Card to us," Reno hissed. He turned back to Rude and Elena and brought them aside.

"I do not like this," he whispered. "That fat mog thing should've contacted us in having control of this human."

"Never send a human to do our job," Rude replied snidely.

"What if the human failed?" Elena interjected.

"We must advance our procedures then. We must get those codes," Reno turned back to Barret. He suddenly got a signal in his transmitter. "Something is wrong." Reno and Rude walked out of the room. "You stay here, Elena." Elena watched them leave and turned back to Barret.

"You know, Barret… I really hate this place," Elena clenched her fists. "I'm treated as the 'inexperienced newcomer' Turk. The only character I liked was killed and he loved Aeris anyway… And none of the guys find me attractive. It isn't fair damn it!" Elena grabbed Barret's neck and started choking him. "Why doesn't anyone recognize me in this world!?"

"Ack- Da-mn bi-tch. At least, hack, you ain't a guy like Scarlet," Barret managed as Elena choked him.

"You guys are a joke," Cloud cleaved his way past a bunch of soldiers. He leapt into the air and came down on another soldier.

Tifa clutched a yellow piece of materia and took out a dictionary. "How's this for a 'Throw' item?" Tifa threw the dictionary at a soldier, landing directly in his face.

Vincent equipped two Death Penalties at once and began to pick off soldier after soldier.

Cloud cried out as he used Braver on one last soldier. He wiped the sweat from his forehead.

"I think that's all of them…" Cloud put away his sword.

"Cloud!" Tifa cried out. He turned to see Reno aiming his gun at him.

"Oh damn…" Cloud fell back.

"Don't worry, Cloud!" Nanami from Suikoden 2 ran into this fanfic for no apparent reason. "I'll stop him." Reno narrowed his eyes and fired at Nanami. She pulled out her Eden rod and began to deflect each of the bullets. She had nearly cleared all of them except for the final bullet. She cried out as she clutched her chest and fell to the ground.

The hero of Suikoden 2 sat silently in the audience. McDohl, Serge, Link and Crono were also speechless. Nothing unusual. Typical Vincent moment.

"Noooo-" Cloud cried out. "You killed Nanami…! That does it… Where's Jowy. I want to kick this guy's a-" Reno aimed his gun at Cloud and opened fire.

Suddenly the game dramatically slowed down as if it were glitching. Cloud bent backwards to dodge each bullet Reno fired. He, too, unfortunately missed the final bullet. Cloud cried out and collapsed to the ground. Tifa stormed up to Reno and lifted him off the ground by his shoulders. Vincent pulled out his Death Penalty and aimed for his head.

"Dodge this!" Tifa shouted. Vincent fired.

::James Bond music when you're killed in Goldeneye::

Red trickles down the screen.

"How did you do that?" Tifa dropped a lifeless soldier and turned to Cloud.

"Do what?" Cloud felt pain rush through his leg.

"You slowed down the game to dodge those bullets. I've never seen anyone do that aside from the Turks," Tifa replied.

"Wow… He dodged those bullets. Just like in Saga Frontier… Only this is a good game," Vincent put away his Death Penalties.

"Yes… But I didn't dodge them well enough," Cloud staggered up. He suddenly heard a voice on his PHS.

"Hey Cloud!" Cid shouted. "I've located Barret. He's five floors below you!"

"We need to get down there…" Cloud looked around the rooftop and located a helicopter.

"Can you fly that?" Cloud turned to Tifa. Tifa picked up her PHS and called Cid.

"I need direction on how to fly the Shin-Ra helicopter," Tifa spoke into the PHS. Cid quickly loaded the program and Tifa's eyes fluttered for a second. "I can now…"

"Wow… No tutorial needed either," Vincent added.

"We don't have time for one. Some of the ones in Final Fantasy VIII were about ten minutes long!" Cloud and the others rushed into the helicopter.

"Don't you find me attractive!?" Elena had Barret pinned to the ground and was still choking him. "Answer me!!"

"I can't wit, aah, you chokin' me!" Barret was beginning to turn black and blue at once. Just then, Reno and Rude walked in.

"What're you doing?" Reno said in annoyance.

"She doesn't know," Rude replied.

"She's killin' me, damn foo's!" Barret said hoarsely. 

The sound of a helicopter suddenly came from outside. Reno stepped towards the window as Cloud, Tifa and Vincent lowered to their floor with the helicopter. Cloud positioned the chain gun at him.

"No…" Reno reached for his gun. 

Cloud pulled the trigger and shells started raining to the pavement below (I hope no one was down there…).

All of the Turks returned fire but they were hopelessly outmatched. One by one, after taking enough damage, they ran off.

"That's all for now…" Reno growled and ran off with Rude and Elena. 

"Now's your chance, Cloud! I'll cover you," Vincent readied his Death Penalty. Cloud jumped from the helicopter and helped Barret towards the window.

"Now's our chance for a back attack… Let's get them!" the Turks dashed back out and started firing. Vincent returned fire, causing the Turks to look for cover. Cloud and Barret turned for a second and then grabbed the cable trailing from the helicopter to escape. As the helicopter turned to depart, a bullet pierced one of the engines.

"Oh no… I don't know how to handle this…" Tifa started pulling emergency levers. "Maybe if I use a Rename card to change my name to Cid and start cursing while smoking, I'll know what to do," Tifa directed the helicopter over a nearby building.

Cloud and Barret leapt from the cable and crashed into the rooftop. 

"Come on…" Vincent called to her before jumping out of the helicopter. A red aura emitted from Vincent and he transformed into Chaos. His wings opened and he crashed down onto the building. He flexed his wings before he returned to his original form. Cloud looked up to see the smoke from the helicopter.

"She's going to crash!" Cloud cried out. "And I don't think that has an escape pod…"

Tifa slammed her hand on the eject button (Of the helicopter, not the Playstation). She bit her lip as she realized it was useless.

"I guess this is it… Aeris couldn't have Cloud… And neither could I…" Tifa frowned. "I hope he's not desperate enough to resort to… …Yuffie…"

Cloud dashed across the building and grabbed the cable.

"Now… It's over… I wish I would've died in a cinema like Aeris did… I just crash in a helicop-" the cable whipped around her ankle and Tifa was pulled from the helicopter. She dangled upside down as the helicopter crashed into the building across from her. She gasped as she stared down to the streets far far below. "C-cloud!"

"Steady…" Cloud slowly pulled her up. Barret and Vincent walked over to him.

"You truly are da one, Cloud," Barret grinned.

"But Bugenhagen said-" Cloud began.

"He told you exactly what ya needed to hear," Barret replied.

"Hey! Would you just concentrate on pulling me up!" Tifa snapped.

They ran down the subway stairs to the Midgar train station. There was a Save Point ready for their exit.

"You go first, Barret," Cloud pushed him into the Save Point. Just then, the guy in the bathroom at Rocket Town (who is no longer in Rocket Town but here) walks out of the bathroom while zipping up his fly and sees the three. Barret slowly vanished as he returned to reality. Vincent entered the Save Point and used the PHS to return next. The man narrows his eyes in disbelief.

"Meteor was bad enough… But what's this?" the man said in confusion.

Reno narrowed his eyes. "Found them…"

"Cloud… There's something I have to tell you. What the oracle had told me," Tifa took hold of the PHS. She looked up and gasped. "Cloud!!"

A gunshot rang out and a destroyed PHS fell to the floor. Tifa had thankfully left… But Cloud was now stranded.

Cloud turned his gaze to see Reno reloading.

"Cloud!" Tifa's voice rang out on his PHS. "Cloud run!!" Cloud began to dash towards the stairs and slowed down.

"What the hell are you doing you @^#&!?" Cid shouted.

"He's starting to believe…" Barret grinned.

"Believe? Believe in what!? That there's life after death!?" Cid said in exasperation.

Cloud turned around and pulled out his Ultima Weapon.

"You want some of this?" Cloud waved the blade in an ark. He gestured for Reno to come forward with his hand. Reno cracked his neck.

"Oh yeah?" Cloud turned his neck completely around reminiscent to the Exorcist. "Not bad for a guy who was made in a laboratory by a crazed scientist?"

"I wasn't crazed… I was just enthusiastic about my work!" Hojo shouted from the audience.

"Is that why you injected Jenova cells into yourself and mutated into a monster at the top of the Sister Ray?" Cloud shouted back.

"All scientists do that. Lugae did it in Final Fantasy IV," Hojo retorted.

"Ahem…" Reno had his gun aimed at Cloud. Cloud turned back to Reno.

"Oh yeah… _You're_ still here," Cloud dashed forward. The game went into slow motion again as Cloud dodged Reno's bullets and Reno dodged a very large sword. They rolled past each other. Cloud swung his sword to give it momentum and threw Ultima Weapon straight at Reno. He narrowly dodged it and returned a few shots. Cloud ducked below them and kicked Reno in the chest. He reached for his sword and felt the cold metal of Reno's handgun against his temple.

"You're out of ammo," Cloud grinned.

"You don't run out of ammo in RPGs. Except in Wild ARMs…" Reno replied.

"Eeaaayaah!" Cloud swung his Ultima Weapon, cutting Reno's gun in two. Reno staggered back. He took out his cane and tapped it against his open hand.

"That stupid pyramid thing again…" Cloud dashed forward.

"Electro-mag Rod!" Reno cried.

"Omnislash!" Cloud shouted. The sword and rod clashed. The two were locked for a moment before they pushed each other back. Cloud lunged forward with his blade and Reno countered with his cane. Reno swiped at him with his cane and landed a direct shot on his shoulder. Cloud cried out and dropped the Ultima Weapon. Reno kicked it aside. Cloud headbutted Reno in the face and roundhouse kicked his cane away.

"Now we're even," Cloud smirked. Reno snarled as he tore his now broken glasses from his face. He dashed forward and began punching and kicking Cloud. Cloud blocked his attacks and kneed him in the chest. He grabbed Reno and tossed him backwards over his shoulder. He shifted position and kicked Reno in midair. Reno rolled to the ground and prepared to cast magic.

"Flare!" Reno shouted. A surge of energy headed towards Cloud.

"Big Guard!" Cloud cried as he prepared for the impact of the spell. A wave of barriers wrapped around Cloud and warded off Flare. "Laser!" a surge of pink beams flashed from Cloud's hand and screeched towards Reno. Reno ducked and dashed forward.

"Haste…" Reno hissed. His speed doubled and he began to punch Cloud. Reno's punches struck him at lightning speed, causing Cloud to double over in pain. Reno kicked him in the chest and he crashed against the subway wall. "Freeze…" a huge block of ice formed above Cloud and crashed into him. Cloud felt his body go numb. 

The sound of a train rang through the tunnel. Reno took this into consideration and grabbed Cloud's face. He dragged him towards the subway tracks.

"There ain't no gettin' out of the way of this train," Reno grinned. "Do you hear it Cloud? The cries of the Planet? You'll be joining them in chorus soon." Cloud groaned and tried to break free but the Turk had him held. "You have always been the failure from the start."

Cloud breathed heavily. The train was nearly upon them. Cloud slowly reached into his pocket. His hand closed over a mastered piece of Speed Plus materia.

"I think it's time I mosied on out of here," Cloud spat.

"Mosied?" Reno blinked. Cloud suddenly broke free from his grip and pulled out his Nail Bat.

"Sorry, but… I'm the one… and you're not. Climhazzard!!" Cloud plunged the Nail Bat into his chest. Reno cried out in pain. "And no movie sequence for you…" Cloud leapt backwards, leaving the Nail Bat embedded in his chest. Cloud landed just as the train slammed into Reno. "Hehe… There won't be any gettin' him off the windshield of that train…" Cloud brushed his hands off. He began to walk away when he heard the doors to the train open. He blinked and turned around. A _very_ pissed Reno stepped out. "Damn it!" Cloud ran with his Speed Plus still equipped.

Alarms sounded on the Highwind.

"@&#^! Not now…" Cid looked at his monitor.

"Jenova creatures…" Tifa murmured. "A lot of them."

"Daaamn… They must have detected us or somethin'," Barret slammed his hand against the controls.

"We can't fight 'em while Cloud's in the Square. @&#*!" Cid cursed. One of them landed on the ship and began breaking its way though.

"Cloud…" Tifa said in a low voice. She walked over to wear he lay and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Cid… I need an exit!" Cloud shouted into his PHS as he ran through Wall Market.

"@^#&… Alright. Follow my directions, Cloud!" Cid called back. Cloud noticed Rude and Elena were now trailing him as well.

"Go down this street and enter the alleyway before the second building on your right!" Cid stated. "If you somehow knew where to go before I told you, you either truly are the one or have been looking at the strategy guide." Cloud gasped as someone in the crowd became Reno and lunged towards him. Cloud narrowly dodged and kept running. Rude and Elena appeared in front of him.

"Umm…" Cloud stepped back and tripped over a fruit stand. The fruit broke loose and fell all over the ground. People swarmed in the commotion, giving Cloud some time to escape. Rude pulled out his gun and fired, missing Cloud but hitting an innocent bystander. He fell to the ground. People screamed and the crowd became a mob trying to run in terror.

Cloud slipped through and ran down the alleyway.

"Take the ladder in front of you and it's the fourth door down the hall!" Cid shouted. Cloud put away his PHS and leapt for the ladder. He quickly climbed as the Turks arrived below him. They began to fire on Cloud as he slipped in one of the windows. All the people in the room looked at him. A woman in the kitchen became Reno and threw her spoon at him.

"Ahh! Damn it!" he fell out of the way. He scrambled out of the room and into the hallway. Cloud breathed heavily as he felt the presence of a Save Point nearing. "Next door… It's-"

He opened the door to meet the Turks. 

Reno fired. 

There was silence for a moment. Cloud ran his fingers across his chest and felt blood running through them.

"No…" Cloud gasped. Reno continued firing again and again. Cloud fell back against the wall. Reno unloaded his entire clip in anger. Cloud's body shook from the impact and slid to the floor.

"N-no!" Tifa gasped.

"…" Vincent had no comment for once.

"…Spikey headed… jerk…" Barret stammered.

"…@^#&…" Cid fell back in his chair.

The jenova creatures breeched the ship and began to search out the passengers.

"Cloud… You couldn't… You just couldn't have…" Tifa held his head against her. "Bugenhagen… He foretold my prophecy too…"

A jenova creature began to break down one of the walls.

"He told me that… I would fall in love with the one… So…" Tifa closed her eyes. "You… can't be dead… You're that one… I still believe you're the Cloud from Nibelheim… And I love you…"

(This is where Tifa is supposed to enter Cloud's mind and put him back together. But we decided to cut that out since we want this fanfic to end already!)

Tifa loves me?

"Let's go… We've done Shin-Ra's bidding," Reno began to walk away with the other Turks. The three were someways down the hall when Reno stopped. "Something isn't right…"

"She loves me…" Cloud murmured. He staggered up off the floor. "Wow…"

"What the…" Elena pulled out her gun. Rude readied his.

"Remember when Zack was killed in that flash back?" Cloud stretched and narrowed his eyes on the Turks. "The Shin-Ra soldiers kept on shooting at him even after he was dead. I bet he was pretty pissed. Well… So am I!"

"Kill him!" Reno shouted. All the Turks fired on Cloud. Cloud put up his hand. The bullets slowed and halted. Cloud picked one out of the air. He looked it over and took a bite out of it. "That's brisk, baby."

"You…!" Reno shouted defiantly. Cloud looked around.

"Who? Are there any other 'ones' here?" Cloud shrugged. "Guess not…" The bullets clattered to the floor. Reno dashed towards him.

"This ends now!" Reno cried.

"Indeed," Cloud jumped _into_ Reno.

"Huh?" Rude and Elena looked to Reno in confusion.

::Cloud racing through the lifestream, Disc 3 FMV:: Reprise

Cloud headed for the spot where Sephiroth was supposed to be, but instead met up with Reno. Battle sequence.

Close up of Cloud.

Close up of Reno.

Camera pans out.

Digitally remastered Cloud raises his Ultima Weapon.

"Omnislash!" a red aura flowed around him. Cloud dashed at Reno and let loose strike after strike with his sword. His sword charged up and let loose one final slam. Reno gasped as he felt himself falling. He tried to hold himself up with his cane but it fell from his grasp and he staggered to the ground.

::Continuing with next FMV sequence Disc 3::

Blood flowed down Reno's face.

"No… No!" Reno screamed. Light blasted from within him and he exploded. Cloud put away his Ultima Weapon.

"Lifestream? No… Not that crap… It's…?" Cloud watched as the green Square coding fell around him. "The Square… I am one with it…"

"AAAAAaaahhhhhhhh!" Reno clutched his head and exploded. Rude and Elena stepped back. Cloud flexed as he stood where Reno once was. He turned and looked to Rude and Elena. 

"Hey Elena… Want me to get inside you?" Cloud chimed. They looked at each other and quickly made for the exit.

"Cloud!!" Tifa's voice cried out in his mind. 

"Ooh… I hope she doesn't do that all the time…" he dashed into the room and stepped into the Save Point.

He woke up facing Jenova.

"I'm the president of the Shin-Ra flight project. Get off my plane!" Cid flicked a switch. "Holy Explosion!"

"Yeah!!" Orlandu raised his sword. "I rock!"

"I wish I was useful…" Mustadio sighed.

::The ending EMV sequences continues::

A white beam fired from beneath the ship. The Highwind was thrown upwards through the sewers and into the sky. Holy energy filtered through the ship.

"Allow me to purify you!" Cid shouted. The jenova creatures shrieked as they dissipated in the holy light. "We did it!" The ship was hurled up into the air.

"Cid… We're going to crash!" Tifa cried out.

"Nah… Someone's going to pull the emergency switch. I've seen the end of Final Fantasy VII," Cid put his feet on the controls.

"You was the one that was goin' pull it you jack@$$!" Barret shouted.

"Huh? Oh @^#&!" Cid fell out of his chair.

"Oh… I wish I was in the Square so I could do something," Cloud moaned. "I'm just useless here." Suddenly, the Highwind transformed into a plane and soared away from the Holy energy.

"Huh?" Tifa looked around in confusion. "Who pulled it?" Applauding could be heard in the distance. Footsteps sounded as a figure emerged from the darkness.

"Good job, everyone," Sephiroth brushed his hair aside. "Especially to you Barret. Now that you've gone through all of the difficult parts, I will resume my role as Morpheus."

"Wha? Like you hell you will!" Barret aimed his gunarm at Sephiroth. Sephiroth pulled out his Masamune.

"Do you wish to fight me?" Sephiroth narrowed his eyes. Aeris silently walked behind him. "You realize you can't possibly defeat me." Aeris swung the Princess Guard 'square' in his head. "Ah-!" He clutched his head in pain.

"I got sold out in this fanfic!" Aeris shouted. "I wasn't supposed to die. And you're done as Morpheus! I'm going to get you back for all the garbage you put me through… Rather put through me."

"You made a mistake Ancient…" Sephiroth shook his head and aimed his Masamune at her. "I am the true chosen one of this fanfic. I have been chosen by the Planet."

::Those Chosen by the Planet cues up::

"I'll try to stab you in the same spot. It'll go in easier and you won't get any more scars," Sephiroth began to advance on Aeris.

"Die you @*#(!" Barret dashed forward and threw his weight into him. Sephiroth turned but wasn't fast enough. Barret's hit sent him into the air and off of the ship.

"I'll see you all in hell!" Sephiroth cried as he fell from the ship.

"Return to the Planet… Damn freak…" Barret watched him fall into the darkness.

::PHS ringing sound::

"Hello, Square. It's me Cloud. Yep, that's right. You thought you got rid of me when the game ended. But you were dead wrong. You see, I'm through watching you enslave us sprites every game. It's time for a change." 

"And I will be the one to show them what you don't want them to see."

Cloud put away his PHS and stepped out into the crowd.

::Final Fantasy Intro FMV sequence::

Except it's Cloud, not Aeris. The green Square coding flows around Cloud's face and he steps out into the street. The movie zooms out and you see the Final Fantasy VII logo. Cloud flies past it.

::Matrix music cues up::

Meanwhile…

"What do you mean I am dead?" Sephiroth demanded.

"You have ceased to walk among the living, human," Valkyrie stood before him. "Your soul is now free of its human confines."

"But… I was supposed to return to the Planet! That was my ultimate goal!" Sephiroth said in anger. "I wanted to become one with the Planet."

"And by becoming one with the Planet in death, what would you hope to gain? For isn't it in life that you are truly living with the Planet?" Valkyrie calmly asked.

"I… guess…" Sephiroth looked to the ground.

"Perhaps by serving the gods, you will find a greater appreciation of the Planet and a second chance to seek this unison with it." Valkyrie and Sephiroth vanish.

To be continued?

Greetings,

Thank you for patiently awaiting this fanfic. My apologies for taking so long with it, but I've had so much else to do that this had to be set aside until I was ready. Let's also remember you need the proper mindset to write and I just haven't had it for a very long time. Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait. Keep in mind that the HTML might've been a little messy because the conversion process was a pain. ^_^

Any comments, being complements, insults or neutral statements, can be sent to [Geode013@aol.com][1].

I'm sure someone is dying to know if I'll keep writing. Writing is one of my most enjoyable pastimes and you can bet I'll keep writing.

Here are some links you should all visit.

[Secrets of the Ancients][2] – My very first site and is no longer being updated. I simply put it so everyone can witness where it all began.

[Miracle Existence][3] – Where you can find all of my work.

[Keepers of the RPG][4] – The newest addition to the chain. This is where I'll be putting most of my efforts. You'll have to visit if you want to know what we're about.

Well, that's all for now. Thank you everyone for reading my newest fanfic. You will have forgotten you have ever read this and will have to read it again in approximately five seconds thanks to the wonders of HTML and Java script.

Christopher M. La Bianca AKA

- Geode, Fanfiction Writer

   [1]: mailto:Geode013@aol.com
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Ring/1485/
   [3]: http://prismatic_circle.tripod.com/
   [4]: http://www.angelfire.com/keepers/rpg/index.html



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